This is how I live
by savingpoppunk
Summary: Rewrite of "Why This Life?" Tris lives with Caleb and her dad. One day she accidentally runs into the mysterious Four to find out what he has been hiding from the world is no longer hidden to her. (Rated T for Language and maybe Sexual activities?)
1. Chapter 1

My shoulder hits the locker, my bag falls to the ground, and I hear Peter yell "Piece of worthless shit!"

I slide to the ground in agony my shoulder tingling. I sit there against the lockers holding my shoulder. I hear a few people laugh, including Peter, Drew, and Molly, out of the many in the hall. This wasn't the first time he's done this to me.

"Shut up Peter." I moaned.

"What's that Beatrice?" Peter said, laughter still in his voice.

I rolled my eyes and stood up. I picked my bag off the ground and put it on my shoulder, turning to face Peter and his "crew." I looked at him, shook my head and pushed past him. walking down the hallway towards the exit. As I walked I took my phone out of my back pocket to read a message from my brother, Caleb.

_"Hey sissy :) need a ride home?" _The message read.

I replied with, _"I don't know yet give me 5 minutes."_

As I sent the message I accidentally hit someone with a hard chest, dropped my phone, and went to fall before he catches me by the waist. Four. No one knew his last name except the teachers. No one knew his first name.

"I- uh- i'm sorry." I said, panicking hard. I didn't know what to do when the most, well not popular, but _wanted_ boy in school. His face was about 4 inches from mine but I couldn't help but stare into his amazingly blue eyes.

"It's fine" Four said sternly, "just don't do it again." He let go of my waist and bent down to pick up my phone. He handed it to me before walking off with his friend Zeke.

I looked down at my phone, the back of the phone was shattered and there was a large crack going across the phone starting at the bottom right corner and extending to the top left.

_Great, and the iphone 5's don't come out for another month._

I sighed and returned my phone to the safety of my back pocket. I walked towards the exit and texted Caleb real quick, _"I'll walk see you at home." _I took my earbuds out of the pocket of my gray hoodie and plugging them into my now shattered phone.

I walked down the street to our house I saw the shadow of a car so I moved over to the side, like a normal person would. I looked over just to see it was one of my neighbors or not. It wasn't a neighbor. It was Four. Driving Marcus Eaton's car. My eyes widened and my eyes followed his car to Marcus Eaton's house, about 3 doors down, across the street. _What is he doing there? Marcus lives alone. His son left him 2 years ago so he wasn't there to see Tobias._

Marcus wasn't even home him and my dad were at work. They were councilmen so they would probably be working for another few hours. I walked up my driveway, Caleb wasn't home yet. I walked up the stairs to the porch, pretending to ignore Four, but I didn't hear a car door open or close. I unlocked the house and as I turned around to close the door I looked towards Four once more and saw him getting out of the car. I slammed the door and acted as if I saw nothing.

In panic I walked down the small corridor towards the kitchen and saw a 24 pack of beer sitting on the counter. It was dad's. My mom died about a year ago and since then dad has drank a can of beer every time missed her. It was rare he would have more than one a day.

"Beatrice?" I heard Caleb call my name as walked through the front door. I ran towards him, slammed the door shut and locked the deadbolt. "Should I ask?"

"You know that guy Four?" I asked, Caleb nodded in return "I think he may be Tobias."

Caleb laughed. "That's not true, Tobias is older than Four."

"Caleb, he was driving Marcus' car. Marcus usually takes his car to work."

"Beatrice stop okay." Caleb said with laughter still in his voice.

"Whatever" I said, before walking up the stairs to my room.


	2. Flashback

I stared at my half naked body in the bathroom mirror, my reflection staring back. My eyes skimmed my body, and stopped at my hips, covered by old self harm scars, just like my thighs, and my arms.

_I heard the alarm sound. Someone was in our house. At 2am._

_I quietly closed my computer and climbed off my bed. It wasn't Caleb or Dad, they were on a camping trip, a father son thing. I opened the draw on my side table and took out the throwing knife I always kept in there in case something like this ever happened._

_I quietly, but quickly opened the door and ran down the stairs. The lock to the front door was busted. I turned the corner at the end of the stairs to the living room just in time to see it._

_My mom standing there in a white nightgown, her wavy hair everywhere, she was drowsy but she was ready to put up a fight, holding a gun out in front of her aimed at one of the three robbers._

_One of them pulled out a gun, aimed it at my mom._

_And shot her._

_Three times to the heart._

_She fell instantly, blood staining her nightgown._

_I fell against the wall in shock and fear._

_I stared at my mom, my eyes burning from tears. Her chest wasn't rising and falling._

_I just watched my mom die._

There was a knock on the door. "Beatrice, there's someone at the door." Caleb said.

"Give me 2 minutes." I said quietly.

I pulled a tight black tank top on and fuzzy Batman pajama pants and tied my damp blonde hair into a pony tail before making my way downstairs.

"He's outside." Caleb said from the kitchen as I walked down the stairs.

I opened the door a crack and saw no other than Four standing on my porch. I closed the door and grabbed a sweater hanging on the coat rack by the door, slipping it on over my head, before stepping outside, closing the door behind me.

I looked up at him. "Hello." I said.

"Tris. I'm sorry I acted the way I did earlier." He said, like he didn't mean it.

"Okay." I said before turning to go back inside.

"Tris?" He said Just before I closed the door. "I'll see you tomorrow."


	3. Scars and Secrets

**Hello! I'm sorry for such a long wait and I feel really bad, but i've created a twitter for this fanfiction account *wooh* you can follow it Infinit3Books thank you to everyone for waiting!**

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_

I went to turn off the alarm and my hand slammed the table.

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_

I groaned and looked down off my bed was my phone lying on the ground. I picked it up and looked at the time.

7:58am it read. I pulled the blankets off of me and jumped out of bed, rushing to the closet. I put on a pair of black skinny jeans and a navy blue long sleeve shirt. I grabbed my converse and my bag off my floor and ran down the stairs.

Caleb was standing at the bottom waiting for me. "JUST GO!" I yelled at him.

"Hey, Trissy" I heard a voice say behind me. I turned and saw Peter standing there. I rolled my eyes and turned back to face my locker. I looked for my favorite black sharpie which I usually kept on the top shelf of my locker. I reached into the back of my locker. "Tris, whats that?" I turned around and looked at him in confusion. "Do you cut yourself?"

I looked at him in panic. "W-what are you talking about?" I put my hands behind my back. I was in such a rush this morning I only put on a shirt that came down past my elbows.

"Still doing it huh, you little emo?" Peter laughed. "Are you cry about it to your mommy? If she was still alive."

I took off running down the hallway towards the school entrance/exit. "Tris!" I heard a deep voice yell after me but I didn't stop. "Tris!" I felt arms wrap around my waist and lift me off the ground, slinging me over his shoulder

"Put me down!" I yelled. Everyone in the hallway had their attention to me.

He took me into the dark janitor's closet and put me down.

"Four! What the fuck!" I yelled. He put his hand over my mouth.

"Shhhhhh, and it's Tobias." he whispered before taking his hand off my mouth.

Tobias. I looked at him. "Tobias. I- thought-"

"Sorry Tris, but you thought wrong." He said calmly. "And this isn't about me, now what happened?"

"Peter knows." I said tearing up.

"Knows?"

"Nevermind. You're the last person I want to talk about this to." I reached for the doorknob. He grabbed my wrist before I could even reach the doorknob.

"I think everyone knows now." He said gripping my wrist tighter. "Now, talk."

I couldn't think of an escape plan, he was blocking the door and before I could think. "HELP!" I screamed as loud as I could. Fo-Tobias pushed me to the ground, got on top of me placing both of his hands over my mouth.

"I'm trying to help you!" He whispered/yelled.

"This isn't helping!" I yelled back, my words muffled by his hands.

"On the count of 3 I will get up. Promise not to yell or fight back or I will put you in the hospital." He said.

I nodded.

"1... 2... 3..." He got up. I stood slowly, but backed away from him until my back was on the cold stone wall.

I hugged myself, tears running down my face, letting myself slide to the floor.

"Tris-" Tobias began.

"Leave me alone." I sobbed.

The bell rang, Tobias left, leaving me alone in the dark closet, and I was fine with that.

_He's going to find out sooner or later, Tris._

_No he's not._

_Yes he will._

No one can know.

No one knows except Peter and I.


End file.
